1 00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:11,646 One, two, three, four pillows on couch. 2 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,515 What are they doing now? What did I miss? 3 00:00:13,548 --> 00:00:14,916 - Hey! - Get out of the way. 4 00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:16,651 Nothing. They are not home yet. 5 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,721 We recently discovered, besides our neighbors 6 00:00:19,754 --> 00:00:22,657 Sean and Charmaine on that side of the house, 7 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:25,994 we also have neighbors on this side. 8 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,896 Can you imagine? More neighbors. 9 00:00:27,929 --> 00:00:32,266 It was a stroke of blind luck we discovered we even had a window 10 00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,234 on this side of the house. 11 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,203 This side of the house. 12 00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:38,673 Dear Guide, every time I call you, 13 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:42,242 I lose my nerves like a chicken for the slaughter. 14 00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:44,044 I was-- Oh. 15 00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:46,079 Oh, shit. 16 00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:49,751 We have a window. It's a It's a house. 17 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,986 Hey. Ooh. Oh, sh 18 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,958 And now we are using that window to spy on the neighbors. 19 00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,358 Why are they not home yet? 20 00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,961 Have you guys seen my phone anywhere? 21 00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:02,864 Not now, Guillermo. We are spying on the neighbors. 22 00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:04,264 - Why? - Look. 23 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,767 They're home. They're home. They're home. 24 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:10,038 What's this shit? When did old bald guy grow hair? 25 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,072 What? 26 00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:14,776 They're not even wearing the same clothes they left in this morning. 27 00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:19,313 -Are they in disguise? -And somehow looking 30 years younger. 28 00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:22,817 So yeah, the house next door is very obviously an Airbnb. 29 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:26,554 I guess I never taught them what-- No, you know what? I did. I did. 30 00:01:26,588 --> 00:01:28,088 They probably weren't listening. 31 00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,557 Oh, no. 32 00:01:29,591 --> 00:01:33,193 That house belongs to shape-shifters. 33 00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:36,496 -Fuck. -You're kidding me, right? 34 00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:40,267 Shape-shifters are extremely freaky. 35 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:45,673 They're awful, abhorrent creatures that use the most ancient of sorcery 36 00:01:45,707 --> 00:01:49,844 to transform into whatever murderous, all-powerful shape 37 00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,746 their wicked hearts desire. 38 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,749 And now they have infiltrated our street. 39 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:58,485 I have had horrible experiences with shape-shifters in the past. 40 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:02,456 I was once in a relationship with a woman for four years 41 00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:05,660 who then transformed into a possum. 42 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:11,733 I stayed with her for six more months, but then I just had to end it. 43 00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:14,936 This is a fucking nightmare. 44 00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:17,471 - It's just an Airbnb. - Shut up, Guillermo. 45 00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:22,510 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 46 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:25,079 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 47 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,116 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 48 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,752 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 49 00:02:32,020 --> 00:02:35,056 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 50 00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:37,859 ♪ You've sold out your dream to the world ♪ 51 00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:40,128 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 52 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,263 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 53 00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:57,377 Recently, I've been beset 54 00:02:57,411 --> 00:03:00,414 by the most strange and eerie feeling. 55 00:03:01,516 --> 00:03:03,383 A chill down my spine. 56 00:03:04,085 --> 00:03:05,953 A weight on my shoulders. 57 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:11,159 The most ethereal sounds coming from absolutely nowhere. 58 00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,328 Like that. Did you hear that? 59 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,699 Actually, that was just me breaking wind. 60 00:03:19,701 --> 00:03:22,537 But these macabre sounds are very similar. 61 00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:25,740 My wife Nadja thinks they might be ghosts, 62 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,009 but I'm not so sure. 63 00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:36,918 - Oh, shit! - Shit. Did the summoning work? 64 00:03:38,553 --> 00:03:40,855 So it did. 65 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,557 Ah. Aha! 66 00:03:43,091 --> 00:03:46,994 Hello, my son. It's me, Papa. 67 00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:49,197 Fuck off. 68 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,364 Laszlo. Laszlo! 69 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,568 - Oh - No fucking way. 70 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:56,137 I see the grumpy fellow hasn't changed a lick. 71 00:03:57,471 --> 00:04:00,474 Well, what a lovely sight you are. 72 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:02,375 -Oh. -Roderick Cravensworth. 73 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:06,047 Is it really you? Laszlo's father? 74 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,749 Well, if the tit fits the cup. 75 00:04:07,782 --> 00:04:09,282 - Definitely family, then. - Yes. 76 00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:12,220 And you must be his ethnic mistress. 77 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,990 Yes, that is how it started. But I am actually now very much his wife. 78 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,926 We have been married for many hundreds of years. 79 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,260 How much I have missed. 80 00:04:20,762 --> 00:04:24,065 What a divine pleasure it is to make your acquaintance. 81 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:26,100 Oh Oh. 82 00:04:26,134 --> 00:04:29,402 -Um, trying to get the kerchief. -This is a perennial ghost issue. 83 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,905 So I have to ask, 84 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,241 -what's your unfinished business? -Yes. 85 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:38,246 Well, my tiny lady, I'm here to repair my long-troubled relationship with Laszlo. 86 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:44,152 Yes, he may be a vampire and I a spirit, but we will always be, above all else, 87 00:04:44,185 --> 00:04:45,418 father and son. 88 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,155 - Aw - Yes, we love that. 89 00:04:47,188 --> 00:04:48,321 So sweet. 90 00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:49,824 - Oh. Hello. - Oh, yes. 91 00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,926 What are these contraptions? 92 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:55,428 Oh, uh, these are camera machines. They take your portrait. 93 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,632 Ah, yes, you have to keep very still. 94 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:01,969 Um 95 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:06,674 Anyone else notice the ghost, or is it just me? 96 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:09,844 -Come on, Laszlo. Just introduce him. -All right. 97 00:05:11,646 --> 00:05:13,281 Attention, everybody. 98 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,851 May I introduce you to a man who has gone by many names. 99 00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,986 - The Whispering Swordsman. - Mmm. 100 00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:23,624 Scurrilous Bob. The Barkham Bone Digger. The Marquess of Manchester. 101 00:05:23,658 --> 00:05:25,026 -Nice. Huh. -The Black Finger. 102 00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:27,595 - And lastly, my father - Nice. 103 00:05:28,029 --> 00:05:30,665 Lord Roderick Cravensworth. 104 00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:33,067 - You forgot one sobriquet. - Oh? 105 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,870 The Night Dog of Tresco. But that was most of them. 106 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,338 I'm delighted to meet all of my beloved son's roommates. 107 00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:41,474 Although I did think perhaps he would have had his own place by now, 108 00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:42,643 but what do I know? 109 00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:47,215 Let me ask you, sir. How did you get all those dope nicknames? 110 00:05:47,682 --> 00:05:51,953 The finest man I ever knew bestowed most of those monikers upon me. 111 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:57,558 That is, soon after he saved my life in deepest Sumatra. 112 00:05:57,592 --> 00:06:00,561 Oh, wow. And what was his name? 113 00:06:00,595 --> 00:06:04,364 I can't remember. I think it was Glen or something. 114 00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:05,566 -Glen. -And who might this, 115 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,201 uh, taciturn fellow be? 116 00:06:07,235 --> 00:06:08,669 Get up. 117 00:06:08,703 --> 00:06:11,038 This, Father, is my greatest creation to date. 118 00:06:11,072 --> 00:06:13,341 I call him Cravensworth's Monster. 119 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:17,078 Now, as you can see, I've created a man by reanimating dead human flesh. 120 00:06:17,111 --> 00:06:20,715 Surpassing any of your own scientific experiments. 121 00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,683 No, I tried it, but it didn't work. 122 00:06:22,717 --> 00:06:25,052 I just ended up with a dead body with lots of bits stuck together. 123 00:06:25,086 --> 00:06:27,021 I didn't reanimate it. 124 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,090 I sewed the body bits together, but I didn't do the reanimation. 125 00:06:29,123 --> 00:06:31,359 So, well done. Yes. 126 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:35,029 Although, not the most comely of fellows. Perhaps he takes after his creator. 127 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,697 Hey. 128 00:06:36,731 --> 00:06:38,799 - Very good. - I would love a tour 129 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,735 of Château de Cravensworth. 130 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,771 Really? Well, it's a pity that because we're very busy right now. 131 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,306 Actually, Night Dog of Tresco, 132 00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:48,475 I would love to show you around our humble abode. 133 00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,244 Fantástico . Lead on, squire. 134 00:06:50,278 --> 00:06:52,613 - Out here is what we call the foyer. - -Very good. 135 00:06:52,647 --> 00:06:54,749 - What a fun guy. - So charming. 136 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,084 - Love him. - What? He's not fun. 137 00:06:57,118 --> 00:06:58,653 -He's pretty fun. -You've been beguiled 138 00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,588 by his wicked charms. 139 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:04,625 The only reason he has come back here is to make amends with you. 140 00:07:04,659 --> 00:07:06,560 Why don't you give him a chance? 141 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:09,063 My darling, that man is never to be trusted. 142 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,430 Never. 143 00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,767 His silver tongue is as sharp as the ivory paddle 144 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,970 that he used to bring down across my bare backside. 145 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:18,806 He would spank me in front of the polo horses. 146 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,274 He'd give them a right show. 147 00:07:20,308 --> 00:07:23,811 My bare backside out in the wind for all to see. 148 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,579 How everyone would laugh 149 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:30,017 as that paddle would come down hard across my bare backside. 150 00:07:30,051 --> 00:07:32,753 "Arms out, head forward, be a good boy." 151 00:07:32,787 --> 00:07:35,488 It would come down again. 152 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:39,827 Again and again and again. 153 00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,096 Are you okay? 154 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,931 Forgive me. I'm not quite myself. 155 00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:46,367 Uh, I thought you quite liked being spanked. 156 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,635 Oh, yeah. 157 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,608 I used to keep these in my room, but I ran out of space, 158 00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:57,845 so I had to move 'em up here. 159 00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:06,187 You'll see why in a second. 160 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,693 -Ta-da. -What an impressive collection 161 00:08:12,727 --> 00:08:15,296 -of detailed maquettes. -Really? 162 00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:18,666 Most people don't give a flying F to the moon about my Funko army. 163 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,301 No, I think they're enchanting. 164 00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:22,970 And who is this bewitching bonita ? 165 00:08:23,004 --> 00:08:25,072 Oh, well, you have really good taste. 166 00:08:25,106 --> 00:08:29,477 That is Lizzo. And it's a rare one because she's holding the flute. 167 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,412 This one's also Lizzo. 168 00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:33,814 This one she's holding her purse, but this one she's holding the flute. 169 00:08:33,848 --> 00:08:36,350 Geez, I'm sorry. I'm-I'm probably boring you to death-- 170 00:08:36,384 --> 00:08:38,419 No, no. Please, please. 171 00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:42,356 I could listen to you extemporize on these plastic things for hours, my boy. 172 00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:45,359 Get your ghost hand off him, Father. 173 00:08:45,393 --> 00:08:47,228 Enough of the soft-shoe. 174 00:08:47,261 --> 00:08:50,731 Reveal your game or suffer the consequences. 175 00:08:50,765 --> 00:08:53,401 Now, now. Calm down, my bubbly boy. 176 00:08:53,434 --> 00:08:54,802 Yeah? 177 00:08:55,436 --> 00:08:56,537 What's that in your hands? 178 00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,172 -What? This? -Yes. 179 00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,107 It's a spirit catcher of my own invention. 180 00:09:00,141 --> 00:09:02,843 From the last time we had a ghost infestation. 181 00:09:02,877 --> 00:09:06,847 Yeah. It also coincided with me showing him Ghostbusters II , 182 00:09:06,881 --> 00:09:09,683 and a week later, he "came up" with that device. 183 00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,018 It was a parallel thought. 184 00:09:11,052 --> 00:09:12,753 Well, I for one am fascinated by it. 185 00:09:12,787 --> 00:09:16,791 Do tell me about this divine device, my cherubic Fibonacci. 186 00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:19,126 Well, it is quite interesting. 187 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:23,697 -It's a atomic vacuum modified by myself. -Atomic? 188 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,933 -I added the blunderbuss. -Blunderbuss? 189 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,536 Yep. And as you can see, 190 00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,804 I've housed everything into a large carriage clock. 191 00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,306 - That is stupendous. - Isn't it just? 192 00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:34,942 And, uh, I used this from one of Nadja's old 193 00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:36,710 - Mmm. Yes. - dresses. 194 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,279 You can get fucked. 195 00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:41,649 I'm onto you. You only flatter when you want something. 196 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:46,821 Well, you got five seconds before I suck you to kingdom come. 197 00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:51,392 The last time I heard that was on my penultimate visit to the cunny pot. 198 00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,727 Cunny pot. 199 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:56,297 I didn't even hear it, but I know it was funny. 200 00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,732 It was really funny. It's good. 201 00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:04,105 Ah. Fleet of foot. Yes. His usual trick. 202 00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,774 Show yourself, you bastard. 203 00:10:07,308 --> 00:10:11,445 Look at these two. Cooking dinner. 204 00:10:11,479 --> 00:10:13,247 -Please, as if. -Bullshit. 205 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:17,084 What are these shape-shifting sons of bitches planning? 206 00:10:17,118 --> 00:10:21,422 Um, Airbnb shouldn't even be that hard of a concept to wrap your head around. 207 00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,757 Will you shut the fuck up, Guillermo? 208 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:24,792 - Yes. - Okay. 209 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,927 Nandor, I'll say it. 210 00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:30,164 We need to capture and destroy the shape-shifters. 211 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:32,433 Yes, I'm in full agreement, Nadja. 212 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:37,371 So maybe I just go over there, and I kill and mince them with my bare hands. 213 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,440 Fuck. That's really good. 214 00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:41,008 Mmm. 215 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,677 I think you should give your dad another chance, Laszlo. 216 00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:45,279 I mean, he's really nice. 217 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,681 And he knows a hell of a lot about the spice trade. 218 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,618 With all due respect, Colin Robinson, 219 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,986 you haven't got a fucking clue who the shit you're fucking with. 220 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:55,189 Look, we're getting closer. And closer. He's in here. 221 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,958 Show yourself, Padre . Meet thy maker. 222 00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:01,729 Leslie, please wait. 223 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:05,799 I know I haven't been the best father, but I felt this pull to return. 224 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,835 To be the father you've always needed. 225 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:12,339 And to learn about this incredible, modern vampire life you lead. 226 00:11:12,373 --> 00:11:14,708 You expect me to believe that shoeshine? 227 00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:16,410 No. I think he means it. 228 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:20,314 I think he's really interested in learning about our lives. 229 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,016 -Yes. -Besides, 230 00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:25,252 it's been really nice having an older male figure in the house. 231 00:11:25,286 --> 00:11:26,521 Yeah, it has. 232 00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:28,856 I sure wish I had one when I was growing up. 233 00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:30,391 What? You fucking did. It was me. 234 00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:33,160 I raised you from a baby, Colin Robinson. 235 00:11:33,194 --> 00:11:36,197 You keep saying that and people are gonna think you're 236 00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:38,332 My son. 237 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,367 You may well choose to use that apparatus on me, 238 00:11:40,401 --> 00:11:43,505 but know that I care about you deeply, my rotten little soldier. 239 00:11:43,538 --> 00:11:47,308 And I would give anything for a second chance. 240 00:11:49,043 --> 00:11:52,681 Oh 241 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:53,747 Please don't cry, Father. 242 00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:57,017 -Please, don't cry. -All right, then. 243 00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:01,222 All right, I'll give you a second chance. 244 00:12:01,255 --> 00:12:04,858 But if you fuck up, I will suck you dry. 245 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:09,230 As the maître d' of the Hellfire Club said to me whilst getting my peacoat. 246 00:12:09,263 --> 00:12:12,766 You are literally the funniest man ever. 247 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,735 - I like him. - All right. 248 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:22,109 So, Mr. Cravensworth asked us to show him our New York, 249 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,445 and I get to choose where we go first. 250 00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:27,314 Times Square MandM store, here we come. 251 00:12:27,348 --> 00:12:28,650 Wait, Laszlo. 252 00:12:28,683 --> 00:12:30,884 You're not just going out into the world unattended. 253 00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:34,955 I presume a gentleman of your station has a manservant of some kind. 254 00:12:34,989 --> 00:12:36,423 I do have a manservant. 255 00:12:36,457 --> 00:12:39,093 I just choose not to let him stay in the house. 256 00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,294 Ah. 257 00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:42,830 If you'll excuse me. I shall be a moment. 258 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:45,099 My grandma's also a ghost. 259 00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:48,435 -Hey, knock first. -I need you to come with me, 260 00:12:48,469 --> 00:12:50,572 pretend to be my manservant and do not ask me why. 261 00:12:50,605 --> 00:12:53,642 It's okay if you're trying to impress your dad's ghost. 262 00:12:53,675 --> 00:12:54,942 -Well, I'm not. -You know, 263 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,910 I would wanna impress my dad too. 264 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,246 Hypothetically. He left when I was three, so I never got to meet him. 265 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,516 Right. Okay. That makes you the luckiest man in the world. 266 00:13:01,549 --> 00:13:03,083 Come on, Gizmo. Uh 267 00:13:03,117 --> 00:13:05,452 - Now! - Coming. 268 00:13:07,555 --> 00:13:09,156 Give me a minute. 269 00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,592 Are you sure you don't need me to look under the hood? 270 00:13:10,625 --> 00:13:13,160 No, I don't need anything. I'm fine. 271 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,461 Fuck! 272 00:13:14,495 --> 00:13:17,197 I'm gonna go give him a hand and sort this out. 273 00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:18,799 Fan-fucking-tastic. 274 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:22,336 You're very lucky to serve a man as wonderful as my son. 275 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:25,139 -Hmm. -If you're anything like my butler Cecil, 276 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,575 you'll know how to anticipate his every need. 277 00:13:28,342 --> 00:13:31,145 And I do mean his every need. 278 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:36,450 The G-spot. The erotic zone. 279 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,319 Oh. No, sorry. 280 00:13:38,352 --> 00:13:41,121 It's not like that with your son and I. 281 00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:44,391 Cecil worked my whirligigs like a maypole. 282 00:13:44,425 --> 00:13:47,227 He was something of a psychosexual chess master. 283 00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:49,496 Could we talk about something else, maybe? 284 00:13:50,364 --> 00:13:52,199 Have you ever kissed a ghost? 285 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,003 Now it's go time. 286 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:59,173 Lancer to Rawhide, do you read me? Over. 287 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,810 Rawhide to Lancer, I can read you loud and clear. 288 00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:05,647 Why, hello, my sweet gooseberry jam. How much for a go-round? 289 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,215 -Ahem. -Miss Nadja, my sincerest apologies. 290 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:10,719 I briefly mistook you for a lady of the night. 291 00:14:10,752 --> 00:14:13,755 You thought I was a little fucking whore, did you? 292 00:14:13,788 --> 00:14:15,322 -Yes. -You charmer. 293 00:14:15,356 --> 00:14:17,891 Cut the cross talk, Rawhide. Stay on mission! 294 00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:21,261 That's lively. Get a rag, Colin Robinson. Get a rag! 295 00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:22,129 Okay. 296 00:14:23,097 --> 00:14:26,033 Rawhide, make your way through the side gate. 297 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,669 Be very quiet. 298 00:14:27,702 --> 00:14:29,336 If they sense you coming, 299 00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:32,373 they'll rip you apart before you can even bare your fangs. 300 00:14:32,406 --> 00:14:34,174 But you got this. 301 00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:36,176 You will soon see a mat. 302 00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:39,012 On it is written "welcome." 303 00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,014 Counts as an invitation. 304 00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:46,688 It would be easier to hide if you stopped talking. 305 00:14:46,721 --> 00:14:48,255 Okay. That's smart. 306 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,924 - I'll stop talking. - Shut up! 307 00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:51,992 She's in. 308 00:14:52,594 --> 00:14:56,130 Now she must hide and catch them unawares. 309 00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:58,600 Look at them! The shape-shifters. 310 00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:00,467 They don't suspect a thing. 311 00:15:00,502 --> 00:15:04,071 They're too busy playing with the combat training blocks. 312 00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,173 Oh, shit! 313 00:15:06,674 --> 00:15:09,143 Shit, they've heard her! They've heard her! 314 00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:10,712 She's fucked! 315 00:15:10,745 --> 00:15:14,314 Rawhide, shape-shifter one has picked up a knife. 316 00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:15,617 He's approaching you! 317 00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,652 He could shape-shift at any moment! 318 00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:20,722 Can you hear me? Over. Don't engage alone. 319 00:15:20,755 --> 00:15:22,289 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 320 00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,892 Rawhide, do you need backup? 321 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:24,925 Can you hear me? 322 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:27,928 Rawhide! Do you copy? Over. 323 00:15:32,534 --> 00:15:34,168 Ha! You beauty. 324 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,838 Bravo, my mechanical maestros. 325 00:15:36,871 --> 00:15:38,740 I fixed it. 326 00:15:38,773 --> 00:15:41,074 It was the exhaust manifold. I just had to get in there a little. 327 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:45,580 It wasn't the fucking exhaust manifold. It was the spark ignition, and I fixed it. 328 00:15:45,613 --> 00:15:48,282 Trust me. I fixed it all on my own, Daddy. 329 00:15:50,451 --> 00:15:51,920 I meant, uh 330 00:15:52,654 --> 00:15:54,421 Um, I meant to say, uh, 331 00:15:54,455 --> 00:15:56,256 Mr. Cravensworth. 332 00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:57,859 Fuck's sake! 333 00:15:59,894 --> 00:16:01,261 Rawhide, 334 00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:03,865 the shape-shifters took out the jalopy. 335 00:16:03,898 --> 00:16:05,633 I've got your back, Rawhide! 336 00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:09,671 Shit. Fuck. Sorry, Nate. 337 00:16:09,704 --> 00:16:11,472 They're shifting! Fuck this! 338 00:16:12,473 --> 00:16:14,576 Rawhide! 339 00:16:17,211 --> 00:16:20,280 Oh, good. She made it out. 340 00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:22,282 I thought I was fucking dead. 341 00:16:22,316 --> 00:16:24,318 What's this? They got Nate? 342 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:28,088 - Yes, Nate got got. - Oh, no. 343 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,225 -Wait. Wait a minute. -What? 344 00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:35,229 I was not watching you the entire time that you were over there. 345 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:39,166 How do I know that you are actually you 346 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,870 and haven't been replaced by a shape-shifter? 347 00:16:41,903 --> 00:16:44,506 Are you fucking kidding me? 348 00:16:49,677 --> 00:16:51,378 - Great. - The truth is, 349 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:54,348 Sir Colin of Robinson, that I never knew my own father. 350 00:16:54,716 --> 00:16:56,316 Yeah, me neither. 351 00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:59,086 It's a terrible thing and leaves a man ill-equipped 352 00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,656 when it comes to his own turn at parenthood. 353 00:17:01,689 --> 00:17:04,826 Oh, I-I think you're the coolest guy ever. 354 00:17:04,859 --> 00:17:07,829 Well, you know, you're not half bad yourself, young man. 355 00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:09,062 Do you think 356 00:17:09,697 --> 00:17:11,198 Nah, it's kind of stupid. 357 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,200 No, please. Tell me. 358 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:17,371 I was going to ask if I could maybe give you a hug. 359 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:22,142 I don't know that you'll be able to feel these translucent arms of mine 360 00:17:23,711 --> 00:17:26,079 but I think we should have a go, don't you? 361 00:17:26,881 --> 00:17:29,082 All right. 362 00:17:30,552 --> 00:17:33,387 I don't know. Maybe I have been too harsh on my father. 363 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:35,455 After all, he is showing kindness to Colin Robinson. 364 00:17:35,489 --> 00:17:37,825 A Herculean task if ever there was one. 365 00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:40,127 You're fucking kidding. 366 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,530 Remind me again, Nadja. 367 00:17:42,564 --> 00:17:45,098 If that is in fact who you really are. 368 00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:48,570 What is my favorite film? 369 00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:51,438 I don't fucking know! 370 00:17:51,806 --> 00:17:55,375 Captive did not know that the captor's favorite film 371 00:17:55,409 --> 00:17:58,211 is The Incredible Burt Wonderstone . 372 00:17:58,245 --> 00:17:59,781 Enough of this! 373 00:17:59,814 --> 00:18:02,449 Just because I ignore all of the bullshit that you say, 374 00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,586 does not prove that I am a shape-shifter. 375 00:18:04,619 --> 00:18:06,888 If anything, it proves that it is me! 376 00:18:06,921 --> 00:18:09,122 Someone who doesn't care about anything you say! 377 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,558 Now, will you just untie me? 378 00:18:10,592 --> 00:18:13,093 Okay, fine. You are not a shape-shifter. 379 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,596 Okay? I apologize. 380 00:18:14,629 --> 00:18:16,698 I can admit when I'm wrong. 381 00:18:17,765 --> 00:18:19,067 Done. 382 00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,536 Sorry. I just was a little paranoid, that's all. 383 00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:24,072 It is odd, though. 384 00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:27,675 I myself was away from you for a while while I was in the house. 385 00:18:27,709 --> 00:18:29,443 So? 386 00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:33,848 Admit it. You are just a snaky, tricky little shape-shifting bitch. 387 00:18:33,881 --> 00:18:35,583 Ha! 388 00:18:35,617 --> 00:18:36,818 -Yeah, he is. -We must not let them tear us apart 389 00:18:36,851 --> 00:18:38,086 like this. 390 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:40,088 Oh, shit. 391 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,123 Nadja, Nandor! The lady from next door is here to see you guys. 392 00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:44,692 The shape-shifters are here. 393 00:18:44,726 --> 00:18:46,628 The shape-shifters are here! What are we gonna do? 394 00:18:46,661 --> 00:18:48,161 Pull yourself together! 395 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,764 -Thank you. -Yes, thank you. 396 00:18:49,797 --> 00:18:51,933 - I feel much better now. - Please come down! 397 00:18:51,966 --> 00:18:54,702 I've been here 15 years and no one by that description comes to mind. 398 00:18:54,736 --> 00:18:56,269 -Really? Not those two? -Who? 399 00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:57,772 My guests said they were in the house. 400 00:18:57,805 --> 00:18:59,841 They also said that an old-timey car exploded. 401 00:18:59,874 --> 00:19:02,543 Your guests? Hmm. 402 00:19:02,577 --> 00:19:04,112 Perhaps she is their leader. 403 00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:07,515 No, she is the host of the Airbnb and owner of-- 404 00:19:07,548 --> 00:19:09,282 Silence, Guillermo. 405 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,819 My guests also said you were spying on them. With a telescope? 406 00:19:11,853 --> 00:19:13,186 Listen here, shifty. 407 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,288 We are onto your little games. 408 00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:16,724 What you have going on over there 409 00:19:16,758 --> 00:19:19,661 violates all of the laws of nature. 410 00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:24,899 Okay, fine. Technically, the unit isn't zoned for an Airbnb, okay? 411 00:19:24,932 --> 00:19:27,902 I'm just trying to make some passive income. Is that such a crime? 412 00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:30,038 What the fuck is she talking about? 413 00:19:30,071 --> 00:19:33,041 -Guillermo, what is passive income? -Yes. And what is "Airppp?" 414 00:19:33,508 --> 00:19:34,976 Yeah, that's what's going on. 415 00:19:35,009 --> 00:19:37,645 We figured out that that was an illegal unit. 416 00:19:37,679 --> 00:19:40,414 Shit. Okay, listen, can we just keep this between us? 417 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:42,315 Maybe we can work out some kind of deal. 418 00:19:46,721 --> 00:19:50,357 - Great Britain. - Yes, the British Empire. 419 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:53,828 We've plundered the world, but our museums are fucking great. 420 00:19:53,861 --> 00:19:55,830 What are you doing down here, Father? 421 00:19:55,863 --> 00:19:59,399 Just having a bit of chitchat with your curious creation. 422 00:19:59,767 --> 00:20:00,802 Right. 423 00:20:01,703 --> 00:20:05,173 Well, not easy for me to say this, 424 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:10,111 but I know you have paternal affection for me, and that affection is reciprocal, 425 00:20:10,745 --> 00:20:16,184 though not often displayed due to a fear that it might not be returned in kind. 426 00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:17,752 Very well put, my boy. 427 00:20:17,785 --> 00:20:21,189 But what I'd like to do is begin a more 428 00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:24,525 free-flowing communication between the two of us. 429 00:20:24,559 --> 00:20:28,029 That would gladden my heart, my bonny lad. 430 00:20:31,566 --> 00:20:33,201 -Hug Daddy. -What are you-- 431 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,268 -Hug Daddy. -Whoa, whoa, whoa. 432 00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:40,541 Explain to me why the Book of Sou is open on my workbench right behind you 433 00:20:40,575 --> 00:20:42,610 and on that particular spell. 434 00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:46,047 Yes, I thought as much. 435 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:49,050 I know exactly what you're doing and the answer is a big fat no. 436 00:20:49,083 --> 00:20:54,055 I forbid you to use my monster as your vessel on this earthly plane. 437 00:20:54,088 --> 00:20:56,724 I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. 438 00:20:56,758 --> 00:20:58,659 Really? As soon as my back's turned, 439 00:20:58,693 --> 00:21:01,896 you'd be up that bastard like a frankfurter sausage in a bun. 440 00:21:01,929 --> 00:21:03,296 -Coward. -But, Son, 441 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,832 you don't understand what it's like, 442 00:21:04,866 --> 00:21:07,367 the place where I come from, where my spirit resides. 443 00:21:08,136 --> 00:21:09,804 It's fucking awful. 444 00:21:09,837 --> 00:21:12,439 All the classes are mixed together. 445 00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:14,407 I have to talk to poor people. 446 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:17,011 I have to feign interest in the Welsh. 447 00:21:17,044 --> 00:21:19,412 I can't touch myself. It's hell. 448 00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:23,618 But if my ghost could inhabit a human body, I could begin life anew 449 00:21:23,651 --> 00:21:28,488 and have an orgasm again for the first time in 200 fucking years. 450 00:21:28,523 --> 00:21:30,357 It's all about you, isn't it? 451 00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:34,595 Always about Lord Roderick Cravensworth. No one else matters. 452 00:21:34,629 --> 00:21:38,933 Ruining my life from day one. Like when you humiliated me at Wimbledon. 453 00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:42,036 You can't play power tennis. There's no shame in that. 454 00:21:42,069 --> 00:21:46,439 -You fucked my Latin tutor! - Veni, vidi, veni. You got into Eton. 455 00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:49,977 Hiring Rasputin to be my babysitter. 456 00:21:50,011 --> 00:21:51,378 That was last minute. 457 00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:54,782 And who can forget when you murdered Mother? 458 00:21:54,816 --> 00:21:57,285 -Not this again. -Good grief. 459 00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:58,653 Prove it. 460 00:21:58,853 --> 00:22:00,320 Well, I'll tell you something. 461 00:22:00,721 --> 00:22:03,124 You are not getting your hands on my monster, 462 00:22:03,157 --> 00:22:04,792 my greatest creation to date. 463 00:22:04,826 --> 00:22:08,428 You will not be using him as your meat puppet. 464 00:22:09,030 --> 00:22:12,300 You think I'd want this wretched homunculus for a body? 465 00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:15,402 - I right here! - No, you have me all wrong. 466 00:22:15,435 --> 00:22:19,874 You see, the divine human vessel I wish to inhabit is your own. 467 00:22:19,907 --> 00:22:22,577 I beg your pardon? 468 00:22:22,610 --> 00:22:24,377 Oh, come on, Son. You've had your turn. 469 00:22:24,411 --> 00:22:28,049 Be a good boy and let your daddy inhabit your flesh. 470 00:22:28,082 --> 00:22:31,384 -The Father of the Fatherless. Shammash. -No! No! 471 00:22:31,418 --> 00:22:34,722 No! This must stop! 472 00:22:35,223 --> 00:22:39,660 -O Ancient Ones. Gods of the Night. -Shut your mouth! 473 00:22:39,694 --> 00:22:41,162 Spirit catcher! 474 00:22:43,898 --> 00:22:47,935 Get me my spirit catcher! 475 00:22:47,969 --> 00:22:49,770 Yes! 476 00:22:53,541 --> 00:22:55,076 Ha! 477 00:22:56,110 --> 00:23:00,114 Prepare to get sucked, Daddy. 478 00:23:00,147 --> 00:23:01,782 No! Not like this! 479 00:23:05,152 --> 00:23:08,723 No! 480 00:23:09,891 --> 00:23:12,425 Oof! 481 00:23:19,734 --> 00:23:21,836 Farewell, Father. 482 00:23:24,772 --> 00:23:26,974 So yeah, after I spent another two hours 483 00:23:27,008 --> 00:23:30,443 explaining to Nadja and Nandor that our neighbor wasn't a shape-shifter 484 00:23:30,477 --> 00:23:33,080 I told you what it is. It's her space. She's renting it out. 485 00:23:33,114 --> 00:23:35,583 Remember I went to an Airbnb on vacation for-- 486 00:23:35,616 --> 00:23:37,151 What has it got to do with the air? 487 00:23:38,085 --> 00:23:40,221 We made a deal with her. 488 00:23:40,254 --> 00:23:43,391 We wouldn't report Nancy's illegal Airbnb if she would let us stay 489 00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:46,160 -for a free weekend once a month. -I mean, look at this sign. 490 00:23:46,193 --> 00:23:49,764 It says, "Bye Felicia and take Karen with you." 491 00:23:49,797 --> 00:23:51,933 I'm gonna start saying that. 492 00:23:53,367 --> 00:23:54,802 -Hey. -Come on in. 493 00:23:54,835 --> 00:23:56,103 I just wanted to drop off 494 00:23:56,137 --> 00:23:58,072 -some fresh baked cookies -Ooh! 495 00:23:58,105 --> 00:24:00,942 to say thank you for your discretion. 496 00:24:00,975 --> 00:24:03,010 Couldn't possibly. 497 00:24:03,044 --> 00:24:05,313 -Thank you, Nancy. -Anything you need, you let me know, okay? 498 00:24:05,346 --> 00:24:08,582 -Bye Felicia and take Karen with you. -Take Karen with you. 499 00:24:08,616 --> 00:24:11,953 You guys are so crazy. Have the best night. Amazing. 500 00:24:11,986 --> 00:24:14,755 - She's really nice. - Mm-hmm. 501 00:24:14,789 --> 00:24:18,426 - Bananagrams, anyone? - Yes. Why not? 502 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:19,994 Help me turn the tiles. 503 00:24:20,294 --> 00:24:21,696 So sorry. 504 00:24:22,396 --> 00:24:25,967 - All right, old chap. - Oh. Where's Mr. Cravensworth? 505 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,303 I got him this Pop Yourself that looks like him. 506 00:24:29,670 --> 00:24:31,772 I know it's kind of stupid, but I thought-- 507 00:24:31,806 --> 00:24:34,642 -Sit down, Colin. -Okay. 508 00:24:35,643 --> 00:24:39,313 My father has gone on a very long trip. 509 00:24:39,981 --> 00:24:43,351 -He has gone on a ghost mission. -That's 510 00:24:43,651 --> 00:24:44,952 That's weird. 511 00:24:44,986 --> 00:24:46,821 He wanted to say goodbye to you in person, 512 00:24:47,221 --> 00:24:51,859 but he was too afraid he might miss his ghost train. 513 00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:55,730 Well, that's That's okay. 514 00:24:56,931 --> 00:25:01,802 He also told me that he cared for you very much. 515 00:25:01,836 --> 00:25:05,573 So much so that he wanted you to have this. 516 00:25:05,606 --> 00:25:08,009 -What is it? -No idea. 517 00:25:08,042 --> 00:25:10,044 But he said you must keep that somewhere safe, 518 00:25:10,077 --> 00:25:12,480 somewhere locked up where no one can get to it. 519 00:25:12,513 --> 00:25:16,250 -Wh-why? -Because he's going to need it someday 520 00:25:16,851 --> 00:25:18,285 when he comes back. 521 00:25:18,953 --> 00:25:20,921 You really have an amazing father, you know? 522 00:25:20,955 --> 00:25:23,758 I do, Colin. I really do. 523 00:25:29,063 --> 00:25:31,665 There's just some shit that I need to sort out over here. 524 00:25:56,223 --> 00:26:01,729 ♪ I was born to haunt you ♪ 525 00:26:04,832 --> 00:26:08,669 ♪ Like a shadow from above ♪ 526 00:26:10,805 --> 00:26:15,609 ♪ I was born to haunt you ♪ 527 00:26:17,178 --> 00:26:23,617 ♪ Terrorize, terrorize you through and through ♪ 528 00:26:24,318 --> 00:26:31,325 ♪ Well, I was born to haunt you ♪ 529 00:26:32,527 --> 00:26:38,265 ♪ And you were born to haunt me too ♪